Invisible injuries are the hardest injuries for children to understand. Why does a parent seem angry? Or sad? Why does he forget things or just seem “out of it”? It’s crucial to find a way to explain these changes to your children in ways they can understand.

Explain that sometimes injuries are invisible.

• Sometimes injuries are invisible, the way a stomachache is: The hurt is inside. When you look at the person, you can’t see the hurt inside, but it is there. Help your child understand that the injury may change the way his injured parent feels, talks, and acts. Everything from forgetfulness to anger and frustration to sleepiness can be symptoms of this invisible injury.
• You may also need to explain a parent’s immobility or non responsiveness: “The doctors want Dad to rest,” or “This medicine helps Dad get well, but it also makes him sleepy.”

Validate you child’s feelings and efforts.

• Validate your child’s confusion, and make sure that he knows he is not to blame. For example, you can say, “I know Mom isn’t smiling as much, but she still loves you.”
• Also, praise your child’s strength, bravery, and helpfulness, but let him express his fears, too.

Set up a place for quiet time.

• The returning parent may not remember things. She may be irritable and emotionally unavailable. Offer reassurance: “Mom needs some quiet time to think about things.” Make sure there are relaxing places in your home, outside, or elsewhere, where the returning parent (or anyone else in the family) can go to take a break.

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